Live, Love, Pause: Do You Want A Rewind Button On Life?


pauseHave you ever imagined your life as if it were a movie? A movie you’ve, of course, never seen because it’s a movie you’re living live.

And, like anything live, what if it was a life you could pause or rewind?

What if, right? Which would you choose to do? Let’s say, you’re overcome with happiness and pausing your life just so you could savor an extra few moments was made possible. Would you do it? Or, what if you had just experienced a great trauma and now you could rewind it? Perhaps only to pick out some clues? Could you do it?

I’ve lived through a couple interesting experiences recently that have prompted me to visit this idea.

But, mostly I’ve been thinking about what I’d do if I had these options because of my kids. Our life is full and exciting right now! Just the way I like it. Still, from what I hear from those who are ahead of me, it’ll go faster than I can even comprehend. The climb and the growth and the excitement (both good and bad), will probably not be a part of my life forever.  What if I could savor more of it or rewind it and relive it again?

I’d pause it!

In terms of parenting, I just feel like I’d be so much better at it if I had more time and space to think. We have three small kids at home and my husband works long, erratic hours. That said, I’m typically on my own for most of the day and suffice it to say, I get a bit worn down.

If I could pause those moments of overwhelm, the moments when I am tired and the girls are arguing about that same thing they’ve argued about all day, I might be allowed to clear my head, say a quick prayer, and jump back into my parenting role with something more impactful to offer them. Or, I could pause, take a warm bath, read a book, and drink a glass of wine before going back to it all. Either way, I think everyone would be better off.

Of course, I’d also like to pause those brilliant moments we, as parents, are rewarded with every so often.  

You know, those moments when everyone’s dressed and in a good mood. They’re rested and playing well together…. I’m kidding! That never happens. But, seriously, there are moments that make your eyes water just a bit, (ahem… allergies), and your heart fills so full it could burst. Those are the moments, I’d love to pause. To step back and savor. To take it all in like a breath of fresh air. And, to really enjoy being a parent.

Why not rewind?

I’ll admit, choosing between the ability to pause or rewind was a tough call. After all, there are so many times I can recall saying or doing the wrong thing. Even now, I wish I could have said or done so many things differently. But, I don’t know that I’d want to rewind and relive any of it.

I’m not sure I would have learned the lesson I was supposed to learn if rewinding my life were an option.  

Pausing my life, I feel, would allow me the ability to put “learning” into practice. I’d just love the opportunity to do it “better.” Hence, my hypothetical life choice to pause!

What would you choose?


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Kylee Modoc was born and raised in the heart of Silicon Valley yet never learned to code. After high school, she attended California State University, Fresno where she earned her Bachelor’s of Science in Business Administration and Marketing. Regretfully, she admits that she never spent enough time thinking about or researching career options until after she had graduated in 2008. Still, she attributes the success of finding a position and “moving up the ladder” to her willingness, (when she’s in the mood), to be coachable. In 2013, Kylee left her corporate life in the financial sector to start a family. She describes the choice to stay home with her family as both a blessing and an identity crisis. Fortunately, writing has become an enjoyable outlet for her in addition to traveling, reading and serving in the Mothers of Preschool Ministry. Kylee and her husband, Serg live in Anaheim Hills with their two daughters. They are expecting their first son this Summer 2018! Kylee is still unable to code.