It’s 5:30 am in Hawaii and I’m watching the sun rise over the serene ocean and can’t wait to get my feet in the sand. My kids have already been up for an hour because according to their internal clocks, they slept in.
They’ve eaten breakfast, played games and watched riveting, educational TV aka Disney Jr. (Side note, thank you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for teaching my kids to use a giant Pogo stick as a tool to reach the roof.)
But as I sit here and spend my first Hawaiian morning with an extra large cup of coffee and my laptop, I realize how much my life has changed in the past year. It reminds me of the saying “if you plant corn, don’t expect tomatoes to grow.”
One year ago I knew that I wanted to add to my full life by going back to work, but wasn’t sure how to make it happen.
I was scared because it’s been six years since I had worked full time.
I have always wanted to be there to help in the kids’ classrooms, attend every function, bandage every boo-boo and hug them every second. But I noticed a change in me, and in them, that allowed me to explore the idea of going back to work.
They didn’t need or want me every second.
As they grew and explored their world, they wanted more backyard, craft and imagination time. Sports and friend time became more important.
As the kids became busier, I realized there was empty space for me. I always had ways to occupy my time; whether it was laundry, cooking or cleaning, something needed attention. Life as a full-time mom is demanding.
Though I was busy physically, there was a part of me that longed to be back in the work world.
I started to allow myself the opportunity to dream about what that would look like. Then slowly it became a reality.
Dreams shifted into plans. Opportunities began to take shape. Now here I am one year later and I’m a busy mom, working full-time and balancing life.
There are moments that it’s incredibly hard. I still want to be there for every boo-boo, but it’s created an opportunity for my husband to step in and be there more for the kids too. The kids have started to look outside of just Mommy to attend to every need.
We talk a lot about feelings, explore emotions, try to ask the kids a ton of questions so their minds can grow and explore possibilities. I hope that I’m showing them that I not only love and care for them but that they can pursue their dreams, learn to adapt and face change with grace and courage.
Life is messy with no smooth borders. Sometimes work and personal time is blurred together. When I have to get on a plane, I have to take a few extra breaths and remember that some things are out of my control.
Not every day is a win, but between the kisses and snuggles from my kids and the win of a successful deal, I will take the demands of both roles.
Sometimes life has a way of showing how plans can be greater than I could ever imagine.