The Thoughts That Go Through My Mind While Watching HGTV

One of my most favorite evening activities these days is pouring a glass of wine and watching HGTV before I pass out from exhaustion. I appreciate this ritual because, unlike my normal TV shows, I don’t need to be caught up to know what’s going on and I don’t have to think too much. Plus, I can get inspiration and ideas for my future dream home that I will probably never have.

I can also judge the couple being featured on the show for being too petty/picky/hippie which is not as socially acceptable when done in real life. I’m sure many of you engage in the same ritual as I do (and if you haven’t, it’s channel 60 so get to it). However, if you’re a veteran watcher, I’m sure some of these thoughts have gone through your mind on occasion. Let’s explore a few, shall we?

1. Will Flip or Flop couple Tarek and Christina show their marital discord on the show? And will my neighborhood be featured? This is a homegrown show so of course, I’m going to watch it. And I do believe the couple lives in a fancy house in the hills of Yorba Linda so they are basically our neighbors. I personally cannot stand them. They are catty and superficial and they take credit for everything but actually do very little. And I want to blame them for personally artificially raising property values thereby pricing regular folk out of the areas that most of us want to live. Also, everything is super staged. Ain’t no way a family of four is moving into your $700k, 1000 sq ft flip. And the décor always kind of looks the same. As you can tell, this is my least favorite show, but I also find myself watching to see if this poor couple’s impending divorce is something that you can see coming on the show. The network tossed around the idea of canceling it when the El Moussa’s announced their separation, but ratings actually went up after that, probably because we are all wanting to sniff out the drama. So instead, the network franchised it out to now include Las Vegas. I will probably keep watching though because the formula is easy to follow. Plus, I really want to see if my neighborhood makes the cut.
2. Which Property Brother is the Best? I took a quiz on Facebook to find out which brother I identify with more and I got the third brother, JD. I don’t think I’m very good at online quizzes. But this show has a lot of value. I mean, for starters, the home prices resemble those sky-high numbers that we in Orange County are used to seeing. That alone makes me feel worlds better than when I watch House Hunters in places like Atlanta where you can buy a McMansion for like $150k. Couples on Property Brothers buy fixer uppers at the urging of Drew Scott and then Jonathan Scott (the cuter brother) helps them transform it into a dream home that the couple could never afford when they started looking. The two brothers seem really nice and down to earth, and word is that they are actually like this in real life. Plus, unlike other shows like Love It or List It, couples on this show get their whole house made over which is nice. I am pretty sure this show should really be called “Jonathan Makes People’s Dreams Come True” though because he is clearly the star.
3. Who Needs a $90 Throw Pillow? Enter Fixer Upper, the only good thing about Waco, Texas. This show features adorkable couple, Chip and Joanna Gaines who help families in no-where, Texas, update houses into works of art. I’ve seen them transform even the oldest and most dilapidated house into a dream home, and I really like the reveal. The show is largely the Chip and Joanna show though because much of the charm is the relationship between the two that feels easy and natural. But sometimes what you see on TV can be deceiving. For starters, all that fancy décor that really makes the house shine is on loan for filming purposes. The clients can certainly purchase the items if they want to, but these items are NOT cheap. Think $90 for a throw pillow and $2500 for an area rug. Clearly, Joanna has some really expensive taste, and her style is not very accessible to the type of family that is featured on the show (aka normal people). Also, all the houses are decorated in the same rustic-chic look and that’s not for everyone. So I guess it’s ok that her stuff is expensive because I often wouldn’t want it anyway.
4. And last but not least, Who in their right mind wants to buy a tiny house? Tiny House Hunters is one of HGTVs most annoying shows. These hippie couples (I can call them that because I’m from Portland) want to throw away a perfectly good 2000 square foot home for a 100-400 square foot mobile property that requires creative use of space, generators, and a composting toilet. And if living like you were perpetually camping wasn’t thrilling enough, they add to the unappeal by commenting on super obvious things that could be avoided by, I don’t know, buying a normal size house. You always hear them complain about how small the shower is or how crammed the sleeping quarters are. Or how they have no room for their three kids and can’t cook on their camping stove for the family. I mean, how did they not see this coming? They all sound so idyllic when the show ends, but I’d bet money that if they had a “Tiny House Hunters: Regrets” show, there would be a lot of repeat guests. Maybe they even rebound and are now looking for that McMansion in Atlanta.

So, the next time you have an evening free, grab a glass of wine and check out HGTV. You might find a new favorite show.