Pods + Learning Pods – To Pod Or Not To Pod That Is The Question

Pods and learning pods and whether or not to create them is on every parent’s mind.

In this past week, I’ve seen the same conversations happening everywhere, what to do with our kids when it comes to school, or lack thereof, during this pandemic. How to get through with our kids with both our kids (and our own) mental and physical health intact. I know for many families the topic has come up just as it has in ours, whether to form a quarantine pod or a quaran-team (haha get it, it’s punny).

How to get through with our kids with both our kids (and our own) mental and physical health intact.

I recently had a baby. I also have a toddler. When asking my doctors what we should be doing when it came to seeing others I got drastically different answers depending on who I asked. My OBGYN said it’s entirely up to us and our comfort level. Great, so no directions at all.

Our family doctor said it would be okay to see others who were quarantining for two weeks before we see them. Pretty doable! Our pediatrician said “stay home, use zoom” which was probably the harshest but possibly the most honest and responsible answer when it came to the virus. So far we’ve seen no one. I have a three-year-old and a newborn.

My mom and my husband have been the only adults in my life, and my mom just left after staying with us for the first few weeks.

The reality of parenting in complete isolation with two small children, one brand spanking new is leaving me overwhelmed and frankly, lonely.

One of the biggest contributing factors of postpartum depression is isolation and lack of sleep. Without the support, I can feel myself being pulled downwards quickly like I’m stepping into quicksand. I need the support of an extended family, and unfortunately for us, our actual extended family is either far away or essential workers. It’s taken me literally 3 weeks to write this article.

Many families like ours, are talking about forming small groups or learning pods for socializing their kids.

Truthfully all I see is panicked moms on my Facebook feed desperately trying to figure out how to manage their kids’ distance learning. Since California has mandated no in-person school unless you are off the watch list, Orange County has been continuously on that list, as is 80% of the state, that’s basically all of us, especially if you work from home.

Even stay at home parents like me, are trying to figure out how to manage their small children’s socialization needs. For many, just using online schooling leaves their kids depressed, lonely, and lacking in hands-on skills that only come from being with other children.

Small children are notoriously hard to social distance with.

I know my three year old just doesn’t understand the idea of seeing a friend and not coming within 6 feet. Add in a parent or two trying to accomplish work from home, it’s unsustainable. Tutoring groups and pod matching groups are popping up at lightning speed.

Without support I can feel myself being pulled downwards quickly like I’m stepping into quicksand.

The stress comes into play in the details like every difficult decision we make as parents but amplified.

What are the rules of learning pods?

The ideal is a completely closed circle. As in no one in the circle/pod sees anyone outside of the pod. However, this isn’t always possible for working parents. Some have had to return to in-person work or never have been able to work remotely because their job is essential or hands-on.

It’s unrealistic to expect every family to stay home when we are going into more than half a year. For ourselves, my husband does have to occasionally work outside the home, though masked and socially distanced. That risk is unavoidable. There is also the larger cultural implications of forming these learning pods. That it will ultimately be exclusive no matter how much we try to be informed, open-minded, and woke as parents of the next generation. What does that say about ourselves? I’m not sure but there are only so many questions I can handle at once.

But from there, all learning pods have to have a discussion of terms. Questions like how far outside the pod is a member allowed and under what conditions? Do we hire a tutor? Do we take turns watching the kids or is it just hanging out as a group? Lists of how many people you’re likely to be interacting with, and what to do if the conditions change.

Many of these conversations feel an awful lot like dating. Are we serious? Committed to each other, or seeing other people? Do we have the same goals?

How can we help one another? Do we come inside each other’s homes? What do we do when a member of the pod breaks the “rules”? Do we take a break? Or is it over forever? What happens if someone has symptoms (hey this is starting to sound like an std!). Hard questions that likely stir anxiety just like any relationship taking form, but can also be exciting given the lack of interaction many of us have outside our own homes and families.

While these consent conversations are difficult it’s also key to remember without these conversations people will break and make even worse decisions. Some people who can make completely closed pods are even more limited will be judgmental.

Those who have chosen not to leave their houses since March due to high-risk family members may side-eye those who choose to open their circles at all. However, realistically we need to consider so much more than just how this virus spreads. Every day when considering schools, we are being asked to make a choice between mental and physical health and seemingly giving up one for another. This may be our only short term solution for families.

When all the options seem dangerous we can all become either entirely risk-averse and frozen or incredibly impulsive and naively closing our eyes and ears to the possibility of the worst-case scenarios.

So while we see each other make different choices we have to remember that everyone’s circumstances are different.

It’s rough out there parents, let’s try our best to ultimately be both safe, and kind.