I started thinking about making positive parenting goals for the new year. I want to think more positive thoughts about my parenting and about being a busy working mom and wife.
The reason this is on my mind is I realized I was doing just the opposite last year probably due to the change of being a parent to two children now. I was critical of myself which caused me to feel more anxiety about my parenting and the future of my family than I had ever before.
This is just not ok with me.
I have worked too hard to be my best self and have a clear calm mind. Self-judgement begone!
So I started thinking and thinking and I was feeling uninspired. So what tends to inspire me or make me feel safe and confident?
As a busy mom with multiple jobs and a husband that sometimes travels for work, my village is so important to me.
So I asked a few of my nearest (literally) and dearest mommy friends with kids 6 years old and under about their parenting goals.
Here were some of my faves:
One of my working mom friends said,
I want to find a better work/husband/son/life balance.
My friend who is also a therapist and coworker of mine clearly had already put some thought into it. She said,
My main parenting goal is the same every year – don’t be so hard on myself. Do the best I can everyday, try to be more present. But it might be helpful if I add in this year don’t work when I’m with my daughter, do more meditation to be more patient, and don’t argue with my husband in front of her…but I’m human so that might not always happen!
This was a good reminder that these are goals instead of resolutions. My problem with resolutions is when you “break it,” it’s over and you failed to resolve that issue. But a goal you work towards and even if you don’t get all the way there you make progress and keep trying.
One of my friends who always seems to have it more together than I do said,
Gain patience, not to feel so overwhelmed, and organize my life-balance home, work, errands, and gym. Yes, start going to the gym! Also let my more carefree fun side come out and play more often.
My friend who loves to organize and decorate and is my go-to for advice of decluttering and making things more efficient said,
My goal last year was to use up stuff I already had and I did a pretty good job of that. This year I want to go to bed earlier and get up earlier. I’m keeping it simple.
Ok actually she didn’t say I’m keeping it simple, she actually said “nothing big” but I put a more positive reframe on it because I think it is big. Simple means easier to succeed and getting more sleep is very big!
My friend who seems to be great at not sweating the small stuff (and I admire her calmness greatly) said,
Mine is getting a pedicure every 2 months and day drinking sometimes!
I love this one (by the way the topic for the blog was sort of her idea) it is all about self-care. Actually, when I looked back on the responses they all were indirectly or directly related to self-care.
This is when I had the light bulb moment.
My reasoning for wanting goals was because I was judging my actions as a mom, wife, employee etc. But the goals didn’t need to be about parenting actions, or work actions, or domestic actions. My goals can be about how to be a better me.
It’s the airplane analogy. I have to put my mask on before I help someone else with theirs.
If my headspace is good, my spirit and body are healthy, then I will be a better wife, worker, and mom.
This year I am going to reclaim the healthy Melissa who has a clear and calm mind and spirit.
No more self-judgment and anxious thoughts. Bring on the confidence that pregnancy, life changes, and hormones pushed under the rug. I’m also going to work on my physical health. I’m going to strength train and eat healthier. I want to be a strong, mobile mom and grandma some day.
A lot of horrible things happened in the world and in my community this last year, but I also brought a beautiful-belly laughing-challenging-wonderful baby girl into the world. My son found a love for his religion and his community that is contagious and fills me with pride. I’m taking those things into this next year, leaving the rest and I have a renewed optimism in the future.