No one has ever said parenting is easy. You can expect power struggles to be part of life with littles. How can we avoid yelling all the time? What can we do to help kids actively listen to us? I’m mom to two young rambunctious boys but I’m no expert! No matter your life experience, we still figure out parenting day by day. As an audiobook addict, I’ve consumed many parenting books and Instagrams. Out of the plethora of advice available, I’ll summarize what I’ve found to be the most helpful tips for getting little kids to listen:
1. Stay Calm. Connect.
Managing my own emotions is big for me because my kids know how to push (or punch) my buttons and I yell when super frustrated. They listen immediately when this happens (and so does the puppy). But…have I trained them to listen to me ONLY when I yell?
“Please put your shoes on so we can leave for school.”
Five minutes later, he is still playing. So, I give a few more reminders…nothing. Then I get frustrated and use the deeper, louder mom voice:
“GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW! GET IN THE CAR! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!”
It works, but I don’t like it. Sound familiar?
Keeping my attitude and emotions in mind is probably the biggest thing that has helped me. Now when I ask, I try to be calm in tone of voice and expression on my face. Thus, modeling to my boys that I’m in control. Yelling shows I am out of control.
Next, I make sure he is paying attention when asking, you don’t want to repeat yourself. Eye contact is vital. Using their name is encouraging.
“Cooper, it’s time to go to school now, please put your shoes on.”
Somedays I give him a short timer on Alexa or make it a race to see who can get shoes on first. Adding a little fun is hard when you are tired but always worth it. You leave cheerful rather than grumpy and stressed.
2. Keep It Short And Simple.
Kids zone out when you drone on about why they should follow your directions. Littles can understand short commands much better than long winded monologues. Explaining why can also allow for arguments and further power struggles. Littles love to ask why!
Don’t ask questions, make a statement. ‘It’s time for you to put away your toy’ instead of ‘Let’s put toys away, ok?’ Do not ask anything if they are upset, they won’t hear you. Wait until they are calm and focused. It benefits to ask what they heard you say.
Kids go through different stages of development at different ages and sometimes what you said and what they think you asked don’t match up. “What did you hear? What does this mean?” Being on the same page will save your sanity.
3. Let Them Choose.
Toddlers are all about independence. They are learning how to do all the things and love being in charge. Though you cannot control it all, pay attention to what you do manage in the situation. You govern the larger things, let them have some authority over smaller things.
Try offering two choices (that you approve) and letting them decide and feel empowered. You decide when to leave the house, they can choose what to wear. “Do you want to wear the jacket or the hoodie today?”
SIDENOTE: There is a great series of books that shows kids they have “the power to choose” how their day goes. My 7-year-old has always enjoyed reading them for years and choosing if the main character will be naughty or nice to see the consequences. It is called What Should Danny Do? By Ganit & Adir Levy. When he is on the verge of getting upset, i’ll remind him that he has the power to choose. It helps!
4. Boundaries And Consequences.
Think like children do. Why would they obey and what’s in it for them? What if they don’t listen? Say it, mean it, and follow through with a consequence. This can be hard, especially for first timers!
Holding boundaries gives toddlers much needed structure and shows what to expect.
Sometimes in the heat of the moment you may threaten something you aren’t willing to follow through on. For example, we’ve all heard someone say (or been told as kids), “If you don’t stop that, I’m turning this car around.” But…they don’t and still make it to the destination. This teaches children not to believe what you say and learn things they can get away with.
Try not to negotiate, or delay. Avoid big empty threats you know you won’t act on.
Parents should come up with boundaries and stick to them. Know and possibly expect a tantrum but if you hold that boundary with love and confidence, there will be fewer future explosions because they know what’s coming. They will know you mean it if you always adhere to what you say.
If they do not stay within the boundary you created: consequence. At my house, screen time is the highest value reward to lose so that’s a good consequence for my kiddos.
5. Redirect.
Little kids learn by breaking the rules. Help by redirecting to a similar activity you approve of instead of criticizing or getting angry at them. Say your toddler is taking scissors to the dog for a haircut (this happened to us recently). One of the most helpful tips for getting little kids to listen is to not start yelling or get upset at them. Step in and acknowledge they want to practice cutting skills. Redirect to an alternative they enjoy like cutting a magazine or helping trim plants outside. If that underlying need is met in an acceptable way, everyone wins…especially the dog.
6. Listen And Praise.
Listening with full attention is game changing in any relationship. If you expect your child to hear you, please take time to also hear their wants and needs. Listening is a critical life skill. You want them to trust you and come to you when they need you throughout life, so make time for them.
Practice patience.
I don’t always have time to do “special time” during the day with each child but when I set aside time to lay with them before bed, read, and chat about their day and anything going on, they typically open up and tell me things that help me know them and support them that much better. Praise or reward your kiddo when you catch them listening right away! This encourages them to keep doing it.
GOOD LUCK! What other tricks and helpful tips for getting little kids to listen do you have? Drop a comment below!
