But this got me thinking about my own personal life and love story.
However, this evening I cried.
When do you know if your family is complete? When do you truly know that you are done being pregnant and having kids?
So now here we are and tonight the question came up again. Although this time it’s a little bit of a different scenario. He asked me,
“Do you want another baby?”
What came out of my mouth shocked me. What came out was,
And almost immediately tears came running down my face.
Why am I crying? Because I have spoken the truth and I am done. Done being pregnant. No more tiny human to hold and nourish. No more being woken up by that tiny human in the middle of the night.
Or maybe the tears are because I am lying.
Lying to myself about what I want. You see, it was just last night that we were speaking with another couple in the same situation we were in a year or so ago. They have 3 children – all girls – and the wife wanted to go for the boy while the husband was not 100% on board yet.
Now the part of our journey after having 2 girls might not be the same as this couple’s you see.
I was good at that point. They had each other, so I was happy and content. It was my husband that yearned for another child. And when we decided that we would try for child number 3 he was so happy.
Because even though I was complete he was not.
Now in between child 2 and 3 there was a larger age gap and also a move from one home to another, so we had to kind of start the baby stuff over again. We had to kind of start over for number 3. So when the question on number 4 came around it was kind of a “why not.”
We already had everything we needed for another baby.
So for this reason, having number 4 was a high chance of possibility. I wasn’t totally done being pregnant. Plus after 3 girls maybe just maybe?
And as luck would have it, our 4th child did end up being a boy.
Now, it wasn’t until the moment that I held my son and smelt his tiny head that I realized I had the son that I never knew I even wanted. My number 4. That feeling of a new love! My little man! How could I not want more of this?!
Could I maybe want another? A number 5???
Five. FIVE. That’s a lot of kids. Although, when I first met my husband he told me he wanted five kids. And, well, I didn’t want any, as you probably know now. But yet here we are. 4 kids: 3 girls and 1 boy. Would I love to have another son? Yes…kind of…maybe. What about another daughter? Yes I love my girls. But do I want to be pregnant again? Could my body even handle another pregnancy??