I didn’t choose to be a stay at home mummy. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t tell people that like I need to be constantly and eternally grateful to have the gift of staying home with my boys.
But you know what? It’s hard.
And it is made even harder by the idea some people have that it’s easy. That I drink coffee and watch tv or go to the gym all day. I actually saw someone recently write on social media that being a mama is EASY. I must be doing it wrong.
So why is it acceptable in modern society to make women feel bad/lazy for staying home? Every mum knows about mummy guilt. We’ve all felt it at some point. Do we really need people making us feel inferior for our choices on top of the mummy guilt? I think not mamas. Maybe we try harder to empower each other instead?
The mums who work are amazing. Until 18 months ago I was working 3 days a week and it’s HARD.
Trying to juggle work, family life and home life isn’t easy. Now I am not working and guess what? It’s still HARD! I actually find it harder. I lost a bit of myself when I stopped teaching. Of course I gained so much too, but I adored my career and letting that go wasn’t easy. Yes, my children go to school 3 days a week (soon to be 5 days for my big one as kindergarten beckons) but that doesn’t mean I have time on my hands to sit around 3 days a week.
- I clean, I grocery shop, I cook, I plan activities to do with my boys.
- We do playdates and sports and outings and home school work.
- I restore furniture when I have time and I write as many blog pieces as I can.
- I pick up countess toys and cheerios and raisins. Then there is the preparation of an almost constant stream of snacks.
- My car is always full of crumbs no matter how often I vacuum it (which is a lot!)
- There is poop and pee on my horizon at all times. I WIPE BUTTS and they aren’t my own.
- I am president of our local Moms Club and when my eldest starts school I will be lucky enough to be able to help out in his classroom. When I can I also help out with an amazing local charity.
- This mummy is Queen of LAdmin (life admin; bills, medical appointments, gift buying, paper filing, vacation planning, all the stuff that comes with expat life. Blah blah. You get the picture…)
- The biggest one – in my job, there is no guaranteed adult conversation. Some days it can be lonely. No quiet time to enjoy my lunch. I don’t even get to eat all of my on lunch on a regular basis thanks to mini Jones and his insatiable appetite. I don’t get to pee alone. EVER.
This is not an exhaustive list. The list of jobs for any mama (working or staying home) is endless. As a stay at home mum I do not sit around drinking coffee all day, but if I did, would that give someone the right to belittle the job I am doing? I don’t have too much time on my hands most of the time. My spare time is spent doing work I do not get paid for!
Women are incredible creatures and they deserve to be cherished and celebrated.
So next time you ask someone what they do and they tell you they stay home with the kids, maybe tell them how you admire the choice they made. Make them feel amazing for giving up their career for their children. It isn’t easy being a mummy, whether you work or stay home. Beware to the next person who mocks me for staying at home; I’m fired up over this and ready to defend us stay at home mummies with fierce tenacity! Most of all, I want all women to feel respected and empowered for their choice whether it is to work or not to work. Because surely we are all just winging it and doing the best job we can?
