Dear Cher,
My kid wants to quit (band, sports, music, etc) and I’m having a hard time knowing when to help them follow through versus when they really need grace to honor their capacity. I don’t want them to just quit things when they’re hard but also don’t want them to hate the activity or resent us for forcing them.
Signed,
Doing Her Best
Dear Doing Her Best,
This is such a common parenting dilemma! We want to encourage persistence and also respect limits which can be tricky for adults and kids! Here’s an approach to help guide the conversation:
First, before committing to any activity, talk together about what the commitment involves. Discuss their interests, how long the season or class runs, and how it fits with your family’s schedule. Planning ahead gives you both a chance to set realistic expectations.
If they’re already involved and want to quit, stay curious rather than jumping to a decision. Ask them to share openly about what’s prompting their decision. Is it due to a conflict, boredom or something more? This helps you both understand whether it’s a momentary rough patch or something deeper. If your child has a pattern of wanting to quit when something becomes challenging or tries to avoid challenges altogether, consider what skills your child may need to develop such as a growth mindset, good sportsmanship or teamwork for example.
Remember, quitting a commitment every now and then doesn’t automatically mean they’ll struggle with follow-through as they grow. Showing them how to make thoughtful, informed choices models self-awareness and personal responsibility, setting them up to make healthy decisions long-term.
**Disclaimer: My posts are educational only and are not meant to be a replacement for professional mental health services. We are not creating a client/therapist relationship through this platform or any other social media platform.
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