Dear Cher,
Sleepovers! How do I know my kid is ready and the family and/or situation is trustworthy enough? What should I be looking for and how do I talk to my kid about it without sounding controlling?
Signed,
An OC Mama
Dear OC Mama,
When it comes to deciding whether your child is ready for a sleepover, your priority as a parent is to establish a safe environment—both physically and emotionally. Since we can’t control all safety factors, it’s important to weigh the ones we can control, and sleepovers are definitely one of those.
Here’s how you might approach it:
- Consider Your Comfort Level: Some parents choose not to allow sleepovers at all, and that’s perfectly valid. You’re making a decision with an adult perspective that values safety over popularity.
- Alternative Options: You might allow your child to go to the sleepover for the evening, then pick them up before bedtime. This way, they get social time without staying the night.
- Use Your Judgment with Families: If you decide to allow sleepovers, limit them to homes where you feel confident in the level of supervision and safety. If your intuition signals discomfort, trust it, even if it’s hard to explain to your child.
- Ask Key Questions: If your child is visiting another home, check in with the host parent about house rules, gun safety (do they have guns and how are they secured?) and any activities they have planned. Share any guidelines you have regarding media or dietary restrictions, etc.
- Teach Personal Safety Early: Start early conversations around body safety and personal boundaries. Age-appropriate books are a great tool for these discussions, and regular, open conversations help your child feel safe discussing any concerns with you.
Above all, trust your parental intuition! Sometimes, you may have to say, “I’m not comfortable with this, and that’s the reason I’m sticking with.” Keeping boundaries is a powerful way to show your child that safety and well-being come first.
**Disclaimer: Ask Cher posts are educational only and are not meant to be a replacement for professional mental health services. We are not creating a client/therapist relationship through this platform or any other social media platform.
