Why Do I Always Feel So Guilty?


Seriously, why do I always feel so guilty?  Why does self-care feel like self-indulgence?  Why do I beat myself up every single time I don’t want to be around my children? Why?

So Guilty Anaheim Moms BlogIt’s like this biological trait every mother has.  We are so connected to our children that we would literally die for them and thus our own needs get pushed so far back that when it becomes critical that we take care of ourselves we don’t even recognize the need as an actual NEED.  We think it is selfishness.

And that’s just wrong.

Today I tried to take a shower.  That was my first mistake.  The entire time I was in the shower I worried about what my kids were doing.  They were running in and out of the bathroom.  Sometimes I heard them fighting, other times I heard them laughing.  But for the most part, I was focused on them.

I even forgot to rinse my hair!  So, I then had to jump back in the shower.  Once I got out I started to feel guilty.  I should have just taken the shower in the morning before they got up.  But it was Saturday and I really wanted to sleep in.  And by sleep in I mean sleep past 4:45am.

I know I am a good mom.  I love my children dearly.  I try so hard to make sure they are taken care of.  

So why do I feel so guilty all of the time?

I think the short answer is because I’m a mom. 

Because I brought life into this world and am now responsible for it and that takes top priority over myself.  In a way, it’s a beautiful thing to not be self-centered and selfish. However, the guilt that comes along with it can be devastatingly real.

I think another answer is social media. 

I see the perfect posts of moms doing amazing things with their children every single day.  And I think to myself, why can’t I be more like that?  I also see the posts of moms having fun with their friends and I think why don’t I make time for that?  

I feel so guilty when I don’t have a Pinterest worthy day with my kids.  I also feel guilty when I decide to do something for myself.

So how do I stop feeling so guilty?

I have to stop the comparison game.  We are all familiar with the phrase comparison is the thief of joy.  Well, comparison is so easy to do and it can add so much to the guilt I feel.  So I will stop with the comparisons.  

I also have to recognize that my needs are not selfish and it is okay for me to take care of myself.  The only way I am going to be able to take care of my children is if I take care of myself.  Whether that is going to the gym once a day, taking a coffee break, reading a book, getting my nails done- whatever I need to feel recharged.  

I have to recognize the good and give myself credit.  I often don’t give myself any credit at all.  My best is not even close to good enough.  And that’s not healthy.  I have to look at all I do and believe it is well done and worthy.  

Little by little, step by step.  That’s something my mom always says.  

To the Moms who feel so guilty.  I’m not sure your guilt will ever go away – but you don’t have to live in your guilt.