The societal expectations on moms are constantly rising, and so are burnout and mental health issues among moms. We place so much pressure on ourselves to be all the things, but it’s important to eliminate, replace, and refresh some previous expectations and grow and evolve with time. This is my list of parenting styles to avoid in 2023 for moms in Orange County:
The Perfect Mom
There’s really, no such thing as being “perfect.” The sooner we realize that, the easier it will be to adjust our expectations. From the way we look to the way we should act and conduct ourselves, there is a constant cloud hovering around our shoulders.
PERFECT.
Free that word from your mind and you’ll feel lighter instantly. Embrace yourself with all your imperfections. We should all try to be our best versions of mothers, co-workers, wives, sisters, and friends, but allow some days to not be perfect. Don’t let perfection consume your life and well-being.
The Image-Conscious Mom
Social media is not real. Let’s remind ourselves that everything you see on social media isn’t REAL. This Instagram picture-worthy life has led many women to believe that’s the reality for everyone. Keep in mind, some of your influencers are in partnership with other brands. Their lavish vacation or stylish outfit may be a business transaction to showcase certain brands.
Don’t take social media so seriously. When you feel like it’s impacting you at a deeper level, consider taking a social media break.
The Martyr Mom
“Self-care is selfish” – not true! Wanting some time for yourself to recharge mentally and physically isn’t selfish. As a matter of fact, it’s the opposite. Why? In order for your body to function at an optimal level, you must take care of it. Think of yourself as a luxury car. You need to maintain it, for it to ride fast and smooth right? If the car breaks down, you can’t do anything, including taking care of your children.
Self-care is required maintenance and it reduces burnout, anxiety, and the likelihood of lashing out at others (fact).
The Competitive Mom
Being competitive is unfortunately everywhere in Orange County. Competition exists in communities, school, work, friends, and family circles. This competitive culture we’re infusing into our daily lives is not healthy in any way and teaches our children to be in constant competition in order to be better.
Let’s look at others’ success as inspiration, not competition. Let’s strive to work together, and inspire and motivate one another.
The Helicopter Mom
Yes, there’s a difference between being a helicopter parent and a concerned parent. But let’s examine the difference. A helicopter parent is overprotective and overly concerned, always fights their children’s battles, and protects them from failing. This article explains how it negatively affects children’s emotional well-being and future success in school.
This mindset doesn’t work for many reasons: it doesn’t allow the child to fail and learn from their mistakes, to solve their own problems, or face failure. Keep in mind, a good parent should always advocate for their child and provide, protect, and comfort them. BUT as parents, we also must give some space for the children to fail in order to learn resiliency and strength.
The workforce and educational institutions will be more competitive than ever for our children and we won’t be able to rescue them as adults. So it’s imperative we give children the tools and skills to be able to cope with challenges, figure out their own problems, and allow them to learn from their mistakes.
These 5 parenting styles to avoid – with their impossible and self-sabotaging expectations – don’t help much long term mentally. Let’s start shifting our perspective and refreshing what family, society, and friends expect from us to reflect on what mindsets can make us more successful and above all, better moms for our children.
