Summer is here and it’s approximately 10000 degrees outside. That means it’s pool season. It might mean beach season if you are not a lazy mom, but I think it was in the bible someone said “know thyself.” Well I do. I also know that housing prices are outrageous in Southern California. The likelihood of me acquiring my own pool are slim to none unless we move to another state. I will probably not become one of the pool people any time soon.
But what is the next best thing to having your own pool? A friend with a pool. Yes, a pool friend.
Find thyself friends that are pool people.
So this year, like the many that have come before it, I’m seeking out pools to lay around like a lizard in a puddle. I like to start the season with a pathetic outreach on Facebook.
Do you think it’s too late to dig my own pool? Does anyone have a pool I can borrow?
This gets some laughs and jokes about what I could use to dig said pool. Or that it’s certainly too late to dig my own pool for this specific summer, but that I can easily dig my own grave. I say to that sir, I already have. It’s called parenthood.
Soon enough, in comes the friends I’ve made online, but haven’t spent much time in person with. However if you are like me you’ve cultivated a lively online presence for just such an occasion. Or maybe because you just find online interactions easier than in person ones.
Here is the perfect moment to go to a stranger’s house, and make them into a pool friend.
I like to always show up with my own towels, sunscreen, etc. Try to be both witty and generous. Offer to bring Starbucks. All the moms love some iced caffeine brought straight to their home. It’s the closest we can get to an IV.
I try very hard to not leave a mess, and be verbally grateful for their giant expensive bathtub. Because I am. I am VERY grateful for their giant outdoor bathtub that they are letting me into. I know they’ve earned this pool lifestyle!
Some may say, “But you live so close to the beach why not just go there?” and that would be a valid question.
The short answer is I am lazy and pale. The beach, while lovely, doesn’t allow my kid to just float around while I chat with friends and sit on the entry steps, two of my favorite activities.
The beach requires so much gear I might as well just move away without my child. It would probably be simpler. The beach is also bad for redheads, since we can never be in direct sunlight, just like the vampires in all the teen shows on CW.
The beach is made for running after your child and bending down a lot. These are all things I’m not a fan of.
Also have you seen some of these community pools in the nicer developments!? Some people have actual WATER PARKS. No joke, they have like slides and splash pads and all the things! Things that a girl who grew up playing in a hose or broken hydrant in Philadelphia had no idea existed until I got to Orange County.
My kid even knows these pool people live better and wants in. She’s taken to getting her floaties every time we leave the house and go to the car, just in case.
The other plus of being too poor to afford your own pool is that you don’t have to take care of it.
Never will it be your responsibility to find a pool guy (though if it was I’d find a good looking one just so I can really live that life, hint hint friends with pools).
Last summer I did this plea and ended up with three new friends that went from online only to IRL (that’s “In Real Life” for those of you who do not live on the internet enough to know the lingo). I showed up at three practical stranger’s homes to use their pools with my toddler, and went home with what I now consider to be practically family.
Not only is this a boon since people with pools are well established as being both cooler (physically and personality wise), but also because they will use anything as an excuse for a pool party.
Pool people usually have a better spread at their parties.
At my house we have like water…maybe some left over liquor on the bar, and cheese sticks. I potluck every event I’ve ever thrown. Not pool people. They have themes and charcuterie boards.
Soon, if you’ve played your cards like I’ve outlined above, you’ll notice once you’re in the inner pool circle.
You’ll be invited to pool parties almost constantly. They’ll use anything as an excuse for a pool party. They’ve got to make the most of this very expensive thing they have taking up all their yard space! End of the school year? Pool party. Fourth of July? Pool Party. New puppies? POOL PARTY. Earthquake? Obviously, pool party.
Gotta celebrate that the pool didn’t crack after all.
Today I went to a play date at a friend’s house with a pool and there was a quesadilla maker and mimosas. I think the gathering even had a cute name like Moms and Mimosas. Additionally, I should explain that I say play date but in actuality all our children were at preschool. So it was just a day date, with moms. A mom date.
This is the life pool people are living.
They need me to make it valid. And I will do it. I’ll validate every single one of them. I LOVE YOU ALL.
Tomorrow I’ll go back with my child, and I guarantee there will still be a pool there, and even more snacks. My daughter will be put into the car exhausted, ready to go to bed. We will both be at fall-asleep-in-the-car levels of tired. But since I also don’t have a self driving car and haven’t achieved a friend with one to borrow, I’ll be staying awake for the drive home at the very least.
Now you may be reading this and think “but Liz I have my own pool!” And to that I say, when can I come over? I swear I’m at least good entertainment.
What are you doing this summer to stay cool and enjoy your time with your friends and family?