Is Your Birth Plan Ready? Great, Now Don’t Forget to Factor in the Unexpected.

I knew not everything would go the way I’d outlined in the two-page birth plan the baby classes told me to prepare, but I’m not sure I was totally prepared for all the unexpected.

I loved being pregnant. It was one of the best feelings – the absence of morning sickness thankfully, being able to show off the stomach that I’d usually spend hiding, seeing all the excitement from family and friends, and the love that grew between me and my husband.

We had been trying for about 6 months and I was genuinely surprised that I didn’t get pregnant on the first go. I now know that that’s not actually a long time to be trying, and I have nothing but love and hope for all those looking to embark on the parenthood journey.

The day we got the positive test is the day I understood why my mom was so protective over me. I was terrified something would go wrong, even after we passed the first trimester. I was mindful of every movement (or lack thereof at times, once I could finally feel them), and careful with what I ate and drank or how much activity or stress I undertook. But putting aside all the fears, I was ecstatic and couldn’t wait for this little boy or girl to be a part of our family. We took all the baby prep classes where I learnt that your waters breaking isn’t actually the norm (contradictory to what TV shows) and I actually felt excited about going into labor.

 

I had the birth plan written and ready to go.

One Friday night, four weeks before my due date, I woke up at midnight and felt a gush of water coming out of me. I thought to myself:

Was this my waters breaking? The class teachers said that just happened in the movies….

My hospital bag sat in the corner of the room, unpacked. I wasn’t expecting this. We remained pretty calm as we packed our bags, including the unwashed new baby clothes and the car seat in its box – we had planned to wash the clothes, install the seat, and pack the bag that weekend.

 

When your birth plan goes out the window:

After getting to the hospital, confirming that it was indeed my waters that had broken, and being monitored by the nurses, I was told the baby’s heartbeat was slow. They said,

It’s nothing to worry about. we’ll keep an eye Out.

After a while, there was a lot of hustle and commotion around me as they tried to find a heartbeat – the nurses couldn’t seem to pick one up at all. Soon, a doctor leaned in towards me and told me everything was going to be okay, but they had to get the baby out immediately. She called a code C (much like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy) and I was prepped to go to the operating room. I felt strangely calm. I knew that panicking was not going to help me or my baby. I was rolled out of the room, with barely enough time to say bye to my husband.

 

The new birth plan:

I recall talking to the anesthesiologist, and the next thing I remember was waking up in a different room, with my husband by my side. I was told that my baby girl was healthy but at 3lbs, 12oz, she was very small and had to be kept in the NICU. I felt relieved and thankful, but I also felt so sad that we both missed out on that incredible moment of our child being born.

I saw my little girl for the first time an hour after she was born. She lay in a heated isolate – she was tiny. I was able to touch her but I couldn’t hold her until that night. I was envious of all those mums who could immediately hold their baby and experience the skin-to-skin that was talked about so much during the prep classes. Her size and health meant that I couldn’t breastfeed – I was told to hand express and introduced to my first pump. Little did I know that the pump was going to be my best (and worst) friend for months to come. And our breastfeeding journey was going to be far from easy.

 

It took me a while to come to terms with everything that happened with our birth plan.

I felt cheated – cheated out of my last four weeks of pregnancy, cheated of the big gender reveal moment (as we chose to keep this a surprise), cheated of sharing the experience of welcoming our baby girl into the world together, and cheated of holding my girl in the first few minutes of her life that we created.

When we came home for the first time after she was born, I couldn’t believe we were coming home without her. I cried and felt like I was missing a part of me. We sat on the couch and had cereal for dinner – the last few days felt surreal and it felt like it had never happened. But the next day, I felt strong. We were a little family now with a beautiful baby girl who was doing great and in very good care at the NICU. I was given a chance to recover after my surgery and my husband and I were experiencing all these amazing firsts – those first few days together will be some of the best of my life.

My little girl ended up spending over two weeks in hospital. I would spend each day there, watching her, (bottle) feeding her, unsuccessfully trying to nurse before pumping by her bedside instead, and holding her on my chest, tucked into my maternity tops that I still wore for comfort as we sat for hours, skin-to-skin. When she was given the go-ahead to come home, I was terrified. But finally having her home, and being together as a family, was just the start of our happily ever after.

Did you have a birth plan that changed unexpectedly? Tell us in the comments below, we’d love to hear it!